Hilarious Excuse for an Entry Fee Waiver

In running the Tabloid Witch Awards, filmmakers often solicit me for entry fee waivers. Usually they plead poverty. "We spent all our money making the best film possible, so we have nothing left for entry fees."

Okay. Not plausible -- I assume they're still paying rent, buying food, maybe even enjoying coffee at Starbucks -- but okay.

But a filmmaker recently sent me an email with a fairly novel -- and hilarious -- excuse:

"This project is a fully independent, self-produced work that was created without any external funding, commercial intent, or monetization. A fundamental principle of this film is that it remains entirely non-commercial -- this is not just a financial necessity, but a conscious artistic and ideological decision.

"For this reason, I am unable to pay submission fees, as doing so would contradict the very nature of the project. I kindly ask if you can offer a full fee waiver, allowing [redacted] to be considered in alignment with its non-commercial ethos."

Incidentally, this was obviously a mass mailing. I get many of those. Emails asking for waivers without mentioning my name or festival -- and submitting films that are inappropriate (e.g. submitting social dramas or romantic comedies to a horror film festival).

Festival directors don't like these junk mass mailings. But I suppose a handful of festivals might grant a waiver, so the filmmaker doesn't care if he annoys a few thousand others.

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